Barefoot's Random Parody Lyrics MASH Edition
by Barefoot XO
Summary: A wide assortment of song parodies about MASH, the T.V. Show.
1. Here at the MASH

I don't own MASH or any of the characters. Quite frankly, I don't know who does. But it is not I. Nor am I making any money off of this.

* * *

**Here at the MASH**

I was working in O.R. late one night  
While the bombs burst in air, it was quite a sight  
The puns were flying rampant, through the air  
And then I realised, to my despair

This was a MASH  
This camp was a MASH  
This was a MASH  
This patient has a rash  
This was a MASH  
They're serving army hash  
This was a MASH  
This camp was a MASH

From the swamp you could sniff the smell of dirty socks  
And taste terrible gin while Hawkeye sleepwalks  
His bunkmates are a snob by the name of Charles  
And don't wake up ol' B.J. lest you provoke snarls…

They're in a MASH  
They're in a camp called MASH  
They're in a MASH  
Where people patch the gashed  
They're in a MASH  
Where they serve army hash  
They're in a MASH  
They're in a camp called MASH

The 4077th is the place to be  
If you're a wounded man in the army  
They provide the 'Best Care, Anywhere'  
Watch and you'll see!!

The C.O.'s office jumpin', with ol' Potter's yell  
As the clerk by name of Klinger tries to scam and sell  
The supply truck's in the compound with supplies from H.Q.  
It's the middle of winter, so will ice cream churns do?

There at the MASH  
The camp was called a MASH  
There at the MASH  
Where they will cure your rash  
There at the MASH  
Where they serve spam and hash  
There at the MASH  
The camp was called a MASH

Out of the Swamp, a voice did shout  
And cursed two delinquents as unfeeling louts  
He told them to shut up, to desist and cease  
To leave him alone to his music in peace

He played in the MASH  
In a camp called MASH  
Yes in a MASH  
The movie's in the trash  
Yes in a MASH  
Yes they're all strapped for cash  
Here at the MASH  
Here at the camp called MASH

The Head Nurse is on the scene, Hot Lips Houlihan  
And we all know she thinks that Hawkeye is quite the man  
But neither will admit that the attraction exists  
But watch them in surgery, while you assist

Here at the MASH  
Yes come and join the MASH  
Here at the MASH  
Just never eat the hash  
Here at the MASH  
You'll be prepped in a flash  
Here at the MASH  
Come and join the MASH!!!


	2. I am in Love with You

I don't own Harry Potter or _Cats in the Cradle_... Harry Potter belongs to Joanne K. Rowling and _Cats in the Cradle_ belongs to Cat Stevens...

**I am in Love with You**

I just arrived just the other day  
From around the world in army plane  
I didn't really know yet what I should say  
This place it seemed just a touch insane  
And then I saw your face and then I knew  
That I was in love with you, Mag  
That I was in love with you…

And the blood is a gushin' out in surgery  
While the company clerk has got ESP  
When I'm comin' home dad?  
I don't know when, I'm waiting for the war to end, dad  
I just hope that I survive till then…

Well that blonde I like has my stomach turns  
She's taken up with a guy named Burns  
I just hope to live while she learns  
That she doesn't need a fink like Burns  
And as I waited for her to get over his hurt  
I knew I was in love with her, Dad  
I knew I was in love with her…

And I've just tied up another artery  
While the transvestite is an orderly  
When I'm comin' home dad?  
I don't know when, I'm waiting for the war to end, dad  
I just hope that I survive till then…

Well she broke up with Burns, just the other day  
But there wasn't really much that I could say  
You see she went and found herself engaged  
And all I could do was say "That's okay…"  
Thinking I'm still in love with you, Mag  
You know I'm still in love with you

And we lost our C.O., my ol' pal, Henry  
But Potter's got style and respect from me  
When I'm comin' home dad?  
I don't know when, I'm waiting for the war to end, dad  
I just hope that I survive till then…

Well she got divorced, just the other day  
When she heard how her hubby was a-spendin' his days  
Seems he had booze to drink, bimbos to pay  
But I sensed she's in a lot of pain  
So I kept my mouth shut, and didn't say  
That I really felt that way, Dad  
That I really felt that way…

And as she boarded a truck it occurred to me  
That she was about to leave  
That my love was about to leave

And I kissed her right then, quite passionately  
Said Maggie don't go and leave from me  
When I'm comin' home dad?  
I'm on my way, and I'm bringing Margaret to stay, dad  
I'm bringing Margaret to stay …


	3. Poor Unfortunate Souls

I don't own Harry Potter or _Poor Unfortunate Souls_... Harry Potter belongs to Joanne K. Rowling and _Poor Unfortunate Souls_ belongs to the Little Mermaid Soundtrack...

**Poor Unfortunate Souls**

**CHARLES**  
It seems to be that Pierce is being sent stateside…

**B.J.**  
What will we do without him?

**CHARLES**  
My dear, Hunnicutt. It's not what we will do. It's the people of Maine.  
I would aid unsuspecting women and others.  
Poor souls who don't see as I do.

I admit that I can be rather nasty  
Yes I'm pompous, blue-blooded, a snob  
But compare me to Pierce  
And my anger is fierce  
Because that cretin cannot e'er shut his gob  
And I know culture and classical music  
And I've hands that make a scalpel sing  
And in fact, let's be fair  
It is time you're aware  
Compared to _him_, I know everything!

Poor unfortunate souls  
In Maine, unwary  
This one blonde and slinky  
This one brunette sans compare  
And will he bed them?  
So fast, it's scary.  
Those poor unfortunate souls  
Unaware, it's true  
That they face the rapier wit  
Of a child, not a man  
Who is simply  
Without a clue…

Now it's happened once or twice  
In this camp full of lice  
That I understood that idiot cretin's goals  
Yes he's got some great talents  
But that is scarcely a balance  
For those poor unfortunate souls

Can't you see?

**B.J.**  
I'll still miss Hawk, and he will always be my best friend.

**CHARLES**  
I'm sure Pierce thought the same of Trapper and then met you the very same day.  
I wouldn't find worry, were I you.  
You will find a new pal, right away…

**B.J.**  
But I don't have-

**CHARLES**  
Pierce's luck? Oh please… The man is curse incarnate  
With a wit so full of holes that it might as well be swiss cheese.

**B.J.**  
But without my friend, how can I-

**CHARLES**  
You'll have your joke, your cheesy grin.  
And don't underestimate the importance of your working conditions, ha!

The men here become a band of brothers  
Bound together in a solid core!  
I know without a doubt, that almost any old lout  
Will be the new friend you are waiting for!  
Come on, have a little more consideration  
On the people who will be suffering that man  
He'll begin the exploitation  
Of every woman in the nation  
The very moment his plane strikes land!

Pity those poor unfortunate souls  
To the east!  
Of this hell!  
We are very busy surgeons, but at least we're far away  
From the State of Maine  
Where he dwells!  
Those poor unfortunate souls  
Without, a clue  
They just cannot even guess  
What is coming on the plane  
A cretin to the last  
Who is quite a bit insane  
The ladies best watch out  
Or he will become their bane  
Those poor unfortunate souls!!!


	4. Trapper

I don't own Harry Potter or _Daniel_... Harry Potter belongs to Joanne K. Rowling and _Daniel_ belongs to Elton John...

**Trapper**

Trapper's a surgeon of the finest kind  
Always there when his pal needs, or he is in a bind  
Oh and he's being unfaithful to his own wife  
Yes it looks like Trapper, is trying to wreck his life…

He tosses his olives in two martinis  
The only comparison is to drinking an antifreeze  
Oh and the time is come to get blasted today  
Now just me and Trapper, are gonna drink the war away…

Trapper my bunky you are gone now from here  
Do you still hear the screams, or see wounds that won't heal  
Do you still cry, or see patients that died  
Trapper you left me here without even a goodbye…

Trapper's gone stateside and Henry is dead  
But at least Frank's not boss, we got Colonel Potter instead  
Oh and B.J. has come to the Swamp to say hi  
But I still wish Trapper, would have come and said goodbye…  
Yes I still wish Trapper, would have come and said goodbye…


End file.
